me = idiot

right after lunch. she tell me that she is going to announce the news
i will be hold for 2 position start from next week
i wonder whats happen with "wont officially announce"

i was expected this when they asked my agree to transfer on last 2 weeks ago. but its out of my expectation that this come to me so fast
on the day i got this news my mind was actually blank. then i tell myself to accept it, since no matter what i gotta accept also

until today, i started to feel reluctant. when she is talking. but still, i put a smile on my face. forcefully and hardly. just like what they did to me
i asked myself again. what i really want? in my life
holding something wrong forever? in the wrong place? with the wrong person

what am i expecting? i told myself to fight for what i want. ya im fighting. but im hurting myself too
i keep asking myself could i change the ending? i start to doubt
i struggling so hard. to hold it tight
but i started to afraid at the same time
what should i do? should i hold? or just giving up?